Today we’ll close this month's topic on goals and the mindset to attain them. As promised in my last blog, I will give you a very powerful four-step formula to start the process of reconditioning your mindset.
At the end of the day it does not matter how many goals or intentions you have, if you do not reprogram your mind, you will end up self-sabotaging yourself and going nowhere.
So for this exercise, all you will need is a pen and paper and some time for introspection. Let’s dive in.
#1 Nurture Consciousness
Consciousness is becoming acutely aware of the choices we have on the table instead of running on old conditioning autopilot.
Consider the way you were raised. What did you hear at home with regards to career and life? What did the environment and culture you grew up in reinforce? and what norms were part of your education? What values, beliefs, and messaging are starting to become visible to you? Write down your findings.
Let me give you an example and share with you my own experience. Within the Latin Culture, it is common to hear from the adults around to keep your mouth shut (“Calladita te ves más bonita” o “en boca cerrada no entra mosco”). To make things worse, growing up in Colombia under the shadow of terrorism and narco-wars, only made matters worse. As a result, when I entered the professional world, I valued stability and safety and avoided any risk for many years. “Don’t rock the boat” was the core message I heard in my mind. Thus, I did not negotiate my first corporate salary nor advocated for myself allowing others to dictate my success. In other words, I gave the reins of my own career to others hoping that someone would notice. This strategy obviously did not end well, and I ended up burnt out with my confidence completely destroyed; more to come later.
#2 Connect The Dots
Secondly, acknowledge how those incidents and messages are affecting or have affected your life and career.
Acknowledge that even though those values are strong in your culture or family, they no longer serve you. Practice some compassion here. I know it’s easy to fall into anger or the blame game here, but that is not the point. The point is that now you have identified how the effects of these deep-rooted beliefs are impeding the success you want.
A pivotal moment was when I finally left that role and worked on getting real with myself. I discovered that I was self-sabotaging my own chances of success by allowing this programming to take over. No wonder I felt stuck! Of course, I felt angry and upset, but then I realized there was no point in that. After all, it is all part of your past instead…
#3 Claim Your Independence
Some therapists might call it dissociation. It’s the ability to separate yourself from those old unhelpful beliefs, toxic narratives, and mental patterns, with the goal of releasing or reframing them.
After identifying those thought patterns and narratives, I invite you to write them down on a piece of paper.
Can you see this mindset is only what you learned and does not equal your identity?
Do you realize that you have a choice in how you want to live your life, including choosing a new set of values and principles that will support you more healthily?
Let me be clear; you are not less than or less of anything by choosing to live your life in alignment with what makes you happy and fulfilled. Let me remind you that just because you will stop following these thought patterns does not mean you cease being part of that culture or family.
#4 Design and Follow Through With Aligned Actions
Intentionally take actions that will lead you toward the person you want to become.
A simple but great small action to do after you have claimed your independence and chosen a new set of values or beliefs is to create your own personal statement and internalize it. Write it down and repeat it every day until it becomes part of you.
Here are some examples but again you can always create your own or search for affirmations on your favorite browser.
I let go of old, negative beliefs that have stood in the way of my success.
I release my non-supportive narratives and experience from the past and create a new and successful future.
I am worthy of all the good life has to offer, and I deserve to be successful.
I stay focused on my vision and pursue my goals passionately.
I am beyond good enough.
I honor who I am every day and in every way.
Every day I choose to show up and honor the best version of myself.
I am confident in my unique gifts and talents, and I share them proudly with the world.
PS. I personally like Jack Canfield’s work on affirmations, especially his book “Success Affirmations” but I strongly suggest that you create yours; there is power in using your own words.
Bottom line, as I said at the beginning, if you are serious about getting yourself to the next level of success, you really need to believe it deeply. Unfortunately, the programming we pick up in our journey to adulthood usually gets in the way. By following this process- nurturing consciousness, connecting the dots, claiming your interdependence, and designing aligned actions- you can reprogram your operating system and achieve the transformation you seek.
And if you can, try working with a third party such as a certified coach or therapist. After all, sometimes we can see what we can see, and part of what we do is hold the mirror and create the space to be able to see them. If you are interested in exploring how I can support you or members of your team, reach out here.